Super Mom

The other evening when I dropped Courtnie off at cheer practice, two of the moms had read my blog and commented on me being "super mom". One might think this is a flattering comment but if you know me at all then you know I was a bit embarrassed. Even though I knew ir was intended to be a sweet comment I actually think its a bit deceiving because I am nowhere near a super mom. So I have been thinking of all the things that would disqualify me for being super mom. Here they are:

1. My patience level could use an extreme boost on a regular basis. Over the years I have learned how to be more patient but from time to time I am reminded with the fact that I need to be a bit more patient and understanding.

2. I do not like to sweep and vacuum. Now I understand most people do not like these household chores, but how long exactly would you avoid these chores? I confess - I mop only when my socks begin to stick to the floor and vacuum when I get tired of seeing things on the carpet - playground mulch or pebbles, shredded balls from being thrown too often, torn paper that was once a piece of someones craft, or general dirt. I also mop and sweep when I know someone is coming over =) So for all of my dear friends who think my house is ALWAYS clean and spotless, its only that way because I knew you were headed my direction.

3. Be very careful when entering my kids' bathroom. I would actually suggest that you use only my bathroom when visiting. The boys dont aim very well when using the toilet, not one of my kids can nicely fold a towel over the side of the bathtub, Courtnie doesnt understand that all of her things do not belong ON the counter and the boys do not understand that their things do not belong on the floor. And somehow they all manage to splatter toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror and leave it to crust in and around the sink. I still havent figured out how they do this! However, if I know you are coming over I will clean their bathroom for you.

4. I am exhausted and get a hint of laziness in my system everyday at 8pm. When the younger two go to bed, I shower and plop my butt right here on the couch so that I can do nothing. I'm in bed by 9pm, not necessarily asleep but in bed for sure. If you call me after this time, I will not answer my phone. Forgive me though. If there is anything left undone in the house after this time, too bad. I will not do it. I am not a marathon mother who goes non-stop when her kids go to bed. I probably could accomplish alot more during this time but I just dont have it in me.

5. I am late to lots of places. I used to be very on-time everywhere we went, really it was a good 10-15 minutes early. One might think this is a good thing but that whole patience thing and waiting on others to get there and get there on time is a struggle. And no one ever seems to get in trouble anymore for being late. So.... I decided it wasnt worth my hassle and stress to be on-time all the time. We usually arrive to places right on time and sometimes even a little late. It makes me feel a rebelious! It does stress my kids out though; see what I passed on to them? Not good.

6. I do not feed my childrne gourmet breakfasts. Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, cold cereal, frozen waffles or toaster struddels it is. We do have gourmet breakfasts for dinner - biscuits and homemade gravy, bacon and eggs. But in the mornings, I confess, we eat lazy. I do make up for it though with healthy, fun lunches and dinners.

Anybody who reads this.... please remind me of the other non-super mom things I do.

Upcoming Surgery

I have now had both of my pre-op appointments. The first was a histo-sonogram. This is where they inject saline into the cervix to open it more fully to see if there are any possible reasons for the bleeding and to make sure there aren't any cysts that aren't easily detectable. Although there was some cramping it wasn't too bad and it was clear. The appointment today was... different. They scraped the lining of my cervix and will send it off for a biopsy. I was really expecting it to be similar to a pap smear. It wasn't. And I was unprepared. As my knees began to squeeze inward and my hands are gripping the table, my doctor says, "Remember your breathing exercises you used for natural childbirth? You need to use those again right now." The look on my face must have said it all - the quick disappearing smile, the immediate halt in the conversation, the sweat dripping down my forehead and cheeks, the sight of my eyes bulging from my head, the lack of oxygen from holding my breath. Either way, I was glad when he was done. I had to sit on the examining table just to catch my breath and muster up the courage to put my clothes back on while still using my breathing techniques like I was giving birth. Have you ever realized how often in life these nice breathing exercises work in different situations??

My actual surgery is schedule for October 16th, a Thursday. I'm super excited!! I cannot imagine a life period-free. Oh the joy this is sure to bring me =)

Courtnie Meets Skipper

Courtnie has a friend in school and cheer whose big brother plays Skipper in As the Bell Rings (a Disney show). The other day I asked him if I could get a picture of him with Courtnie and he was so kind to let me snap away. Of course Im certain this just melted her heart - to have met a famous person and then to have him wrap his arm around you for a picture!!! lol. He is a great kid with an incredible personality. He will do wonderfully in this business.

Sky Ranch Camp

Cameron's 5th grade class went to camp at Sky Ranch this week for three days. I went as a chaperone. I had sooo much fun. As did Cameron. I am absolutely amazed at how much learning the kids do and even more at the fun they have while learning. I have never seen a camp staff more excited about their jobs and a more perfect fit for teaching 5th graders in a camp-type environment. They had 3 hours of class time in the morning and another 3 hours of class time in the afternoon. The kids had skCRAZY time where they did wild movement type activities - Ive never seen a larger group of kids doing The Cupid Shuffle! We played a real-life version of Clue, our cabin full of boys came up with the best skit (and Im not being biased here), had smores by the campfire, hiked, shot off homemade rockets, held and pet the ugliest critters of all (tarantulas, snakes, lizards, hedghog, etc). They also had two hours of free time to roam around, play sports, mini golf, volleyball or nukem and this massive size jumping pillow. We honestly had so much to do and so much fun we really didnt have problems getting 12 boys to shower and get to sleep at night. Of course they had to have their evening activity of a 12 man wrestling match, but once we got them calmed after that they were pretty easy to get in their beds and off to sleep. Getting them up was a different story but we were never late for headquarters and breakfast!

I am so glad I went with Cameron. He doesnt show too many emotions so you never really know what he is thinking. But each meal time he came to sit right next to me (with all of his friends )and this just melted my heart. Its nice to still have that connection with your child, especially now that he is getting older and really isnt into hanging out with mom anymore. I tried to not embarrass him and am pretty certain I accomplished this.

Here are just a few of our pictures from our camp experience. Check out our family web album to see all of our pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/bran0224. PS - My son does actually own something other than that red hoodie. I just couldnt get him to part with it over these last few days, even in the Texas heat! Even at home he wears hoodies constantly.

My Dearest Courtnie

When I came home from school last night I was in quite the sour mood. I still do not love rocks and had sat on Hwy 30 for an hour and a half. Someone apparently couldnt drive and caused a serious accident. Im not lying when I say I actually put my car in park, turned the car completely off and read my new book. People looked at me like I was insane but truthfully I bet my nerves were more calm than theirs! lol.

I get home and find this sweet little note Courtnie wrote to me. She isnt the best trooper when Mom is away. She likes to remind who ever is taking care of her that everything they do "isnt the way Mommy does it". Apparently Daddy doesnt know what to cook for dinner, Mommy doesnt make sandwiches that way, etc. She reminded Jason all night that he was doing everything wrong. Poor baby!

Her note reads (her exact writing and punctuation):
"Dear mom I missed you today. I had a great time at school. We cleaned our the garge. We were stinky! Me and colton were playing school for a little bit. It was fun! At school today we watched magic school bus. It was about plant's. It was a little long. I unloaded the dishwashe. And bee we here. We were going to have hotdogs or samwiches. and we did. Well I had fun today!

Love
Courtnie"
How stinkin' sweet is that? I sat there after my long day from working, school, and the car ride home and cried. I miss my kids!! I see them on Friday mornings, drop them off at school and dont see them again until Saturday morning. We are just not used to that. I just think it such a sincere and sweet gesture for her to write me a note to tell me about her day. Love that girl!

What a Scare!

For more than two years now my periods have been horrible. They last 2-3 weeks and are pretty consistent at being every 4 weeks apart. As you can imagine, this doesnt leave alot of "off" time. Its no exaggeration that when one would last 3 weeks that I had one week off before the next one began. I have been to three gynocologists offices looking for answers and someone to tell me the problem and cure. Nothing. I finally heard of a procedure called NovaSure that would actually end my periods for the rest of my life. I really struggled with this. Few doctors will actually perform this procedure because of the risks - its harder to detect cervical cancer after this procedure has been done and my insurance wont cover the cost because "it isnt necessary". It must be a man who processed that claim, because bleeding for 2-3 weeks every month cannot possibly be normal or an okay quality of life. After my last period, which lasted 2+ weeks, I made the call and told them I was ready for this to end. They told me to call when my next peirod started.

This leads me to my scare. I was supposed to start my period LAST Monday (9/1) but as of last night it still hadnt arrived. Jason has had a vasectomy but all it takes in one furiously fast swimmer to change my life forever. After agonizing over my missing period, I finally mustered up enough courage to call a friend and tell her my fears. She laughs with me (my laugh was trying to cover up my worst fear come true) and tells me not to worry and just take a test. I didnt sleep at all last night. I kept going through every scenario possible that might occur from a pregnancy and nothing good was coming to mind. I finally wake up this morning to the happiest sight ever - my period! [insert BIG smiles] I was ecstatic! I called my doctor first thing this morning to let them know.

My first appointment is scheduled for next Thursday afternoon. This appointment is just a more detailed ultrasound. Ive actually had this done before when they were trying to find a cause for the bleeding and it isnt the most comfortable procedure. The next appointment is the following Tuesday with a biopsy being done on my cervix. I cant imagine this is going to feel wonderful either. After these, if all tests are good, I will have the final procedure done and be period-free for the rest of my life. I am sooo excited! The final procedure will be done under anesthesia but in the office. Ive actually had this done once before too from a hemorrage scare after a surgery and this was done with me awake and in excrutiating pain. My poor mom stood by me gagging trying so hard to be supportive. So knowing this will be done with me asleep is of great comfort. Im not exactly looking forward to the upcoming painful procedures but I know after they are done, relief from all of this will be a nice welcome and greatly appreciated.

I will keep you posted on how everything goes. I have never enjoyed a period more in my life and hopefully this will be my last =)

Stay-at-Home-Mom

Have you ever put thought into this title? Stay-at-home-mom. Tuesday was my only day this week to accomplish anything around the house and yet I call myself a stay-at-home mother. Hello?? When do I get to stay at home? I do work part-time, but the days that I am supposed to be at home, we are always keeping busy. Doctors appointments, dentists appointments, errands, practices, games or performances, grocery shopping, playdates. I dont even "stay-home" on the weekends! I will confess, there are times when I am "at home" that I completely do nothing. Sometimes I lay Colton down for rest time and plop my butt right here on the couch and do nothing. I dont feel guilty about it either because seriously, that may be the only time that week that I actually sit and that be the only thing I do for the moment. And Im okay with that.

This is what the "stay-at-home-mom" title really should be:
Housekeeper, cook, teacher and tutor, laundry machine operator, personal chauffer, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer, mediator, accountant, entertainer, nurse and psychologist.

This title comes with some clarity - I am oncall 24/7. No sleep, sick, want a raise, need a break, desire a hot meal, lacking new clothes? Too bad. Flipside - lots and lots of love, never ending smiles, the joy in watching your child grow and learn, knowing your child has endless appreciation for all that you do (although they may not realize this until years later). I love all those job titles!! Just think the "stay-at-home-mom" title is a bit of an oxymoron.

Homemade Forts

Did anybody ever make forts out of every blanket, pillow, cushion, or any other useable piece of material in the house to build forts? My kids do this all the time. Sometimes they try to build their own individually and sometimes they will build one massive one together. Today while grocery shopping (this is an individual sport for myself, no kids or husband allowed, ever) Jason sends me a humerous text. Here is our conversation:

Jason: "Forts r not turning out to be a good idea"

Brandie: "Why? Fighting?"

A few minutes later....

Jason: "We have combined forts and all is well"

Brandie: "On my way home"

Jason: "Finally peace after a hit in the face and a knee n the nuts"

Brandie: "Literally LOL"

Im not sure if I was laughing at the way Jason told me about the happenings going down or if the thought of him having to deal with the fort-issue was funny, or both. Upon getting home, I quickly grabbed my camera and counted the amount of things used to build their one massive fort. They used: 4 pillows, 1 body pillow, 2 bean bag chairs, 20 blankets, 2 arm pillows, 1 gaming chair, 4 comforters, and the couch. And of course they all had their flashlights! I have no idea how or where they were able to climb in and out of that thing. They do get an A for the afternoon just for getting along, who cares about the incredible size mess in the living room (you cant see the toys covering the floor either)! I'll take that anyday for happy children with smiles who are all getting along.

PS - Go Broncos, tomorrow night!!!

Back to School... For Me

I started my last class last night to complete my Associates Degree. I absolutley cannot stand this class (Geology, aka Earth Science). Do we really need to study rocks? Who truly cares about rocks and how they were made or changed form overtime? As I was sitting there in my fifth hour of class, I was contemplating these lovely rocks of all shapes, sizes, colors and form. I had just shaved rocks with my fingernail, a penny, a nail, a piece of glass and a piece of tile. Thats not all my friends... I scratched things with rocks and I scrathed rocks on things. We smelled them, held them, rolled them, examined them and above all tasted them. Just kidding!!! That actually is part of the class labs but he told us we didnt have to do that (liking the guy already!). He also told us he would teach our glass just as he taught his 8th grade classes for 15 years. What a deal, 'cause Im sure my learning level about rocks is at an eighth grade level. Im certain I didnt pay attention then either. It's rocks for crying out loud!

This class is only for 11 days, not bad right? Except the class is for 11 Friday nights from 5:00-11:30pm. Terrible times! But it actually works for our family. I dont necessarily NEED dinner and downtime from waking up at 6am and getting the kids up and ready for school, making breakfast and lunches for four, and working all day. No! I can hang... if only for 11 days.

Im not sure though what I want to do from here. Id love to continue with school and complete my Bachelors in Child Development. But Id also like to get certified to be a Lactation Consultant, which I would actually use. I havent decided, so pray with/for me to listen to His guidance and direction.

Sensory Integration

This month marks the one year anniversary that Colton completed Sensory Integration therapy. For those of you who arent quite sold on this being a real diagnosis, I wish you had met my child two years ago. For those of you who have never heard of this before, let me introduce you to Sensory Integration. And for those of you who understand this and can appreciate the therapy children receive, here is our story....

Around 15 months of age, we noticed Colton was very high-strung, demanding, and tempermental when he didnt get his way. I truly believed it was just his personality (which is still somewhat true today). If he didnt want tummy-time, let me tell you everyone around knew he wasnt having it. He refused to eat baby food and there was no one who was going to convince him otherwise. He wanted things his way and only his way. In his toddler years is when we truly noticed something wasnt right. Of coruse everyone around us kept telling me he was fine, he just wants his way, hang in there. Except, they werent with him 24 hours a day like I was. If he wanted something, he gave me a 5 second time frame to figure out what it was he wanted and give it to him. If I missed that mark, too bad. He would throw himself on the floor and scream. Sounds toddler-normal right?!?! Except his fits would last for hours and when one was over, then came another (because of course I couldnt figure out what my non-speaking toddler wanted in that 5 second timeslot). This went on for months, and months, and months. I cried. He screamed. I cannot tell you how many times the older two children heard, "Not right now. Colton is crying." or "Ive had a really long day, please behave." I didnt look forward to my days with him. We didnt go out in public because of the meltdowns. We didnt have family gatherings for fear of him going crazy on us. It was a battle to get out of the house or car and it was a battle to get in the house or car. It was a battle to get in the bath and out of the bath. To get dressed and to get undressed. To eat and then to quit eatting. I always made the wrong drink, gave him the wrong snack, his socks were wrong, his shirt wasnt right, his blanket wasnt folded right, nothing was ever right.

One day I was dropping him off to my mom so that I could go alone to an appointment. I left him with my mom, him crying of course, and just sat in my car and cried. I prayed and yelled, I was completely lost after a long morning of battles. I seriously had no clue what to do. I called a friend of mine and she told me to call Excel Pediatric Therapy. So I did. I called and told them I didnt really know what to say other than I have no control over my two year old - it may be my lack of confidence and slacking as a mother of three but if that were the case I was ready to hear it and if it were something more I needed to know and get him help. As we are ending our phone call she tells me that cost just for the evaluation is $450. So we dont exactly live in wealth and I had no clue how I was going to pay for this but I knew I had to have him evaluated.

I get home that evening and am going through the mail and find a refund check for $425. (The hair on my arms is standing and tears are coming to my eyes just reminding myself of this story.) I could easily come up with the other $25 right?! I hadnt even told my husband what I had done yet! Continuing to go through the mail, I open another check from Juice Plus for $25. Can you believe this?? I had the exact amount of money needed to have him evaluated. As a mother, I knew then something was wrong and he needed help. Why would God pave this way so perfectly for nothing? I call Jason to tell him and he isnt exactly on board but knew "I" needed help and guidance if anything.

We get to the evaluation, which takes 1 1/2 hours to complete and Colton goes back with his therapist. I had previously asked her what she does when children cry uncontrollably and she reassures me that she has never had a child cry so hard or long that she cannot complete an evaluation. After 30 minutes of Colton screaming and her getting absolutely nothing accomplished, she calls me back to help. Of course I am a blithering mess just hearing him crying and knowing something wasnt right and feeling like a failure. I get back with him and clings to me like a monkey with a death grip. It takes us 15 minutes to get him calmed down and in somewhat of a state to cooperate with her.

After his evaulation, here are his results at his age of 26 months:
Stationary (control his body with gravity) - 14 months
Locomotion (ability to move from one place to another) - 20 months
Object Manipulation (catching, throwing, kicking, etc) - 23 months
Grasping (ability to use his hands) - 14 months
Visual-Motor Integration (complex hand-eye coordination) - 21 months

Tempermental and Atypical Behaviors:
Detached - 3rd percentile
Hypersensitive - <1st>
Underreactive - 2nd percentile
Dysregulated - 5th percentile

She also noted that when walking he holds his right arm close to his chest (which I had noticed a few weeks before the test) and that his eye tracking wasnt complete, meaning he would stop tracking items once they crossed the midline. He was also very tactile defensive and had severe anxiety issues. Some of the things we noticed he did include: heavy walking, fear of walking up or down stairs, transitions, climbing in or out, touching things, extreme movement (running, jumping, bouncing, flying in the air, etc), not holding things correctly, his inability to control himself.

Of course I ask why this is a problem, why him, why us. She said they didnt really know or understand why so many children have sensory-type issues. For Colton it may have been me being on bedrest for so long and he never had true movement. He never would have felt me moving up and down and therefore he never grasped his sense of gravity. It may have been a result of him not breathing quickly after birth and his slight lack of oxygen. It could be because children do not have the freedom to run around play all day; we parents cant just send our kids outside to play and expect them home by dark. The world isnt a safe place anymore. Either way, he had some sesnory problems we needed to focus on to make our home life better.

We prayerfully considered our options: we could use our clean and clear AmExp card for physical and occupational therapy or we could do nothing. We did what any parents would do and maxed out a credit card for the sake of our child. For the next few months we charged each therapy appointment twice a week (which was $165 a week) and we never looked back.
At times I wonder if we made the right decision, especially when I am STILL paying that balance off. But I remind myself of where we were and how far we've come and I know we made the right decision for Colton and for our family. Each new day I am greeted with a smiling face and my heart melts with pure excitement. He is a completely different child and one that embraces life happily. He loves to be on the go. He is super friendly and has a kind-heart and compassion for others. He is almost always smiling and only gives us his grumpy face for a few seconds when he doesnt get his way. I honestly cannot remember the last "fit" he has thrown.

Thank you to my friend who pushed me to make that call. Thank you to everyone who stood by me (and Colton) and offered encouraging words. And thank you to those who chose not to be around us or refused to talk to me on the phone during that time frame. Although I promise to never do this to you, believe it or not, this was a confirmation to me that something wasnt right.

So thats our Sensory Integration story.....