We're at a restaurant and Courtnie tells me what she wants to order... er... what she wants ME to order FOR HER. I very gently remind her (as I always do) that she can order for herself. This doesn't go over well. It never does. She immediately takes a deep breath, opens her eyes wide, kicks her feet very nervously and tells me she doesn't want to. I know her heart is racing. I encourage her to order for herself and rehearse with her exactly what to say. She shakes her head no and says she doesn't want to. But I stand firm and make her order.
Here's the deal... I know EXACTLY what she is thinking, feeling, and going through. I did not like to order for myself as a child either. What if I said something wrong? Or mispronounced a word? What if they talked to me and I couldn't understand what they said? What if they couldn't hear me and asked me to REPEAT my order? Then I'd have to speak TWICE! What if... What if....
There simply aren't many other things that could possibly go wrong while ordering your food. But these irrational thoughts are what always went through my mind when my own mother made me order for myself. And I used to hate it! I always smile after Courtnie orders because the next few moments she does the exact same thing I did to my mom. She very nervously orders her food while staring at me (and I watch and nod my head as if to say good job), slouches back into her seat, and for only a few seconds hates me for making her do such a horrible thing as ordering her own food.
My poor baby girl. Right now she thinks there is no good reason to have to order for herself. She thinks I'm being mean by making her speak to someone and ask them to get her choice of food or drink. She doesn't understand that this simple process is a stepping stone to learning to communicate in the world about things yet unseen. She doesn't understand that the anxiety she feels is not rational and she will be okay. She hasn't quite learned yet that she has survived after ordering her food all those other times!
But I don't tell her any of these things. I just remind her that she is capable of ordering for herself, I tell her I am not ordering for her, and then smile when she has accomplished this task. Then I wait for her to calm down and not be mad at me anymore. But all the while, my heart hurts for her inside. I know it pains her do this simple thing.
I know one day she will understand all of this when her own little girl begs with fear in her eyes to not have to order for herself. Courtnie will look across the table with a gentle smile and encourage her daughter to do the same. It is then she will remember these days and be proud of herself for learning to push past the anxiety, trust in her mom, and order her food.
