REALLY Nervous

Getting brutally honest now.... I am FREAKING out! If you have called me this evening and I haven't answered it's because I don't want to talk about it. Thank you for your encouraging words and prayers but I don't want to talk about this surgery. My whole body has been shaking since I left work at 2:30. Remember me telling you my wiggly toe quirk? It's full force tonight and it isn't just my sweet little toes, my feet are won't be still either. My stomach is churning in knots and the toilet has become my friend this evening. I'm hoping writing about it will help me relieve some of my fears, but for heavens sake if my husband wants "to talk about tomorrow" one more time I am going to scream. And quite possibly at him. Aren't my tears and trembling body enough?? And my kids... I love their stories, I love hearing about their day and I love their jokes. But not tonight. I just want to take some PM meds and go to bed, except I know I need to stay up somewhat late just so I can eat before my midnight deadline to eat rolls around. Why is it that as an adult I am not handling surgery so well? I did this when I had my wisdom teeth taken out this past May and they almost didn't do it because I was in such a panic mode, cried all the way to the dentist. I feel like a big baby! I need a Valium. My doctor prescribed one for tomorrow morning, but what about tonight??? Off to visit my best friend again, please pray for me. I need to calm down, sleep tonight and not stress tomorrow morning.