Mom Lessons, Part 1

I've been doing this motherhood thing for a little more than 15 years now and I've learned a few things. And since most of my friends have younger children and often ask my advice, I thought I might share some insight.  Maybe my advice can spare you from tears and heartache and if nothing else, at least you know you're in good company.

BUT, if at any time my parenting advice only manages to reveal that I'm completely and utterly crazy and my children will need lifetime therapy... then please disregard my sincere attempt at parental guidance and rescue me from this place!

I've learned that:

• Raising a toddler who throw hours-long tantrums (that is correct, HOURS) was really much easier than raising hormonal teenagers.
• These little people WILL most definitely eat you out of house and home.  Your pantry may be full for a short time after a trip to the grocery store and then it just disappears.
• And if your children have even ONE item missing from the pantry, they will go into full panic mode and will claim starvation until the pantry magically produces that one item they think they would die without.
• Boys stick.  Bad.  
• Girls can stink too!  But they tend to care enough to shower, hallelujah!  
• Anything that belongs to you, also belongs to them and can at any time grow legs and walk away.
• Anything that belongs to you, definitely doesn't belong to you.  Crazy how that works!
• Kids have their favorite foods and when you try to do something nice and make their special food, they've changed their mind and don't like it anymore.  Your job is to know this ahead of time.
• Siblings fight.  While normal, it is not acceptable.  But they don't care what you think when they feel the need to pick on their sibling until screaming, crying, or fighting ensues.  Or all of the above and then you have no choice but to join their fight.
• You will one day despise the word "stop!"
• Teach your children to sleep.  You will appreciate it when they are older and sleep-in or simply recognize the need to go to bed early.  Not to mention the added benefits of your sound sleep when they are smaller.  It's even okay to turn the baby monitor off.
• There is such a thing as a stupid question (and teacher's lie when they say there isn't).  Help your children find the blessing in their brain and teach them how to use it.  If they ask you a question they can fully figure out on their own, ignore them.  They'll figure it out for themselves.
• Obedience does not come naturally.  I was a very obedient child (I said child, not teenager) and always did what was expected of me and went above and beyond what was asked of me.  Not all kids feel the need to do this.  I fully expect this fabulous quality to pay off when they are older.  I'll keep you posted.
• It's okay when you fall short of perfection and it's okay for your kids to see you make mistakes.  It teaches them grace for themselves and others.  At least that's what I'm hoping for!
• Some of the best memories are made around the kitchen table - a toddler learning to eat new foods has so much fun playing with their food while eating.  It's okay for them to make a mess, just recognize you are the lucky momma who gets to clean it up three times a day.  And it's so much fun to play an impromptu game of Rock, Paper, Scissors at the dinner table.
• While it's okay to stalk your children, it's also a good idea to give them some freedom to learn the world for themselves.  Pray your children make life-learning mistakes while still under your roof so they can learn the best method of correcting those mistakes from you.
• No matter how up-to-date you stay with fashion and the latest trends, you will still be old and embarrassing to your children.  Embrace it and embarrass them in return.  Remind them of that screaming fit they threw in the grocery store that one time and how humiliated you were then.
• When they come to you with a new joke, act excited like it's the best joke you've ever heard and then beat them to the punch line.  Don't let those little people think they're smarter than you!  They need to know you are one step ahead of them at all times.  It's a healthy dose of fear at a very young age.  It's good for them.
• Their science and math homework in Elementary school will outsmart you.  You won't even attempt Middle and High School homework and they won't want to ask you.  See my advice above, this is the need to outsmart them at every other opportunity you are given.
• Your children will indeed work together to gang up on their parents.  And they will also collectively keep secrets from you.  That's all I know about that.
• Laundry.... what the crap?!?!  It's never-ending!  My little lovelies change so many times in a single day.  Don't even muster up the energy to fight about this.  It's a small dose of freedom and really isn't worth the battle.
• Take a nap!  And never feel guilty about it. 

I can't even imagine what these next years will teach me.....  For now, I will sit in my closet hiding, drinking my Dr. Pepper, and wondering when their father will get home from work.