The cost of being a disciple

Today in our Life Group, we talked about Luke 14:25-35, the cost of being a disciple for Christ.  Luke 14:27 says, "And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."  The question asked was What does it mean to be a disciple?

It isn't surface level for me.  It isn't about smiling to someone, tithing, going to church, or even praying before meals.  To me, it means carrying my cross.  Can I carry my cross with my sins fully on it, no matter the weight, and still have faith in my God?  Am I willing to accept Christ in my life fully, knowing that Satan is going to challenge me at all costs?  Am I willing to accept life-altering circumstances (a death in the family, my house burning down, cancer, or perhaps even my own death) and still be faithful to Him?

I certainly hope so!  I do try to search for Christ in all circumstances - good and bad.  I am also very real with Him - my pain, anger, frustrations and joy, thankfulness, love.  I come to Him in everything, bearing all of my emotions knowing that He will continue to love me even after I've shed tears in frustrations.  But I rest in knowing that afterwards, He will speak to me and tell me where to go or what to do next.  I love that He allows me to talk so candidly with Him and I love that He also speaks to me without reserve.

For me, being a disciple is being prepared as a follow of Christ, to do hard things and still put my faith in Him.  It's about listening to Him with open ears to His plans for my life.  He may call us to do big things (taking a stance, becoming a missionary, enduring cancer and still spreading His word) and we need to be prepared to follow Him.  His will for my life may be raising these children and preparing them to do big things.  I must be a disciple and know that in all things, Christ is with me.

During church today, we read 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

I realized I have fought a good fight.  And I cried in church like a big baby!  My fights in life have been quite challenging - being a teenager and walking the halls pregnant, being a single mother and surviving on my own, growing up with a parent addicted to sex, drugs and alcohol.  Those are just the big ones.  My childhood has shaped me into the person I am today.  And I would be in complete denial if I said my fight in life are over. 

I haven't finished my race and, for the most part, have kept the faith.

I then started thinking of my own children.  We've entered the teen years here at our house and they have been challenging already.  I love my sweet Cameron!  I owe my life to him.  I was headed down a terrible path in life and upon finding out I was pregnant with Him, I choose to turn my life around and get my stuff together.  Such a precious gift he is to me!

But Cameron has been quite the challenge lately.  And I've even found myself asking him, "do you have a daily goal to make me cry?"  I realized in church today, after I remind myself to have GRACE with Him, that Satan is working on him.  This all tied in with my own life and the fights we fight.  Cameron is at a point in his life, where Satan will be pulling on him, trying him and testing his faith.  I need to direct my anger at Satan, rather than at Cameron. I need to pray for Satan to let my children go and ask God to fight the fight for us. 

I'm so saddened that my children even have to have a fight, that they will have to carry their own cross.  I don't want them to suffer or hurt or even get in trouble.  This stuff is harder than toddlers touching cabinets or crying at bedtime (I can't yet agree that it's harder than colic though).  This teenage stuff is hard - for parents and the teens.  But I need to be more mindful about praying with Cameron for Satan to let him go and for God to hold him up.  I need to make sure that in the end, Cameron can say he fought the good fight.  I need to remind my child that he is at a point in his life where Satan will use every tactic to hurt my child and tell Cameron he has to fight a good fight.  I need to teach them that we all have our own cross to carry and somehow guide them to make smart decisions to lessen the nails and weight of their own cross.

For me, being a good disciple is accepting Christ in my life and being faithful in all circumstances, even in the midst of a fight or feeling the weight of my cross.  For me, being a disciple is being able to say I fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept up my faith.