My Dear Mother....

When I become a mother so many things happened to me. I realized I wasn't that smart after all and that my own mother knew everything there was to possibly know about life. I began to rely on others (especially my Mom) rather than just myself. It wasn't until I became a mother to my daughter that I began to have more appreciation for her, more respect, and even more guilt.

My daughter truly believes anything that I have (in my purse, in my room, my drawers, closet, wallet, car, cabinets, in my hands, etc) also belongs to her. After a certain period of time (like say 5 minutes), they instantly become hers. Most times this is unknown to me until I go looking for something that I was so sure I had left "right there". These things have ranged from chapstick, lip gloss, bath gels/soaps, bath loofah/scrubber, clothing, shoes, makeup, pens and pencils, my favorite candy or snack, brushes, flat irons, deodorant, purses...... anything she feels she may need in the next few years. Funny thing is, I truly do not believe she takes them intentionally rather she just wants them.

I say this because I did this to my own mom. I never intentionally took things from her to make her go without or with malice in mind. I simply wanted them. I am so sorry Mom!! It's sortof a luxury to have something belong to only me. It's rare for me to actually own something that no one else wants. I've even had my socks taken from my drawer by my son who claimed they were more comfortable than his. There are even times when someone wants more of something to eat and next thing I know their fork is on my plate.

Now that I recognize all a mother desires and lacks.....

I'm sorry Mom!! I'm sorry I came into your bathroom while you were getting ready and took over the countertops and desired space to get ready on your own. I'm sorry for all the times I stood in the mirror in front of you while you were trying to get dressed. For all those times I nabbed something from your purse that belonged to you. For chewing on your straws and making them flat (for the record, this now bothers me too). For all those times I took the last piece of gum or drank the last soda. And for using all the hot water and leaving everyone else to take cold showers. For turning my music up loud or singing at the dinner table or in my bed at night. I'm sorry for complaining about meals you made after you worked all day and took time to cook dinner for us. For you have spent extra time cleaning the house and watching as I left things everywhere.

I fully understand the desire for quiet moments and for your things to not be touched or messed with by little hands. But I also know the joy it brings you to have your kids by your side, to play with your makeup and clothes, to smile when you make their favorite meal, to laugh with you something goes unexpected. And even though someone else is in your space there is that peace that fills your heart while you have a sincere and meaningful moment with your child.

Thank you for all you did for us. I love you more as each new day dawns and I appreciate you and all that you endured as our mother. Thank you for listening to my joys and frustrations, for giving advice and critiques, and more importantly for just being you and being there. I love you Mom!!