Last week my arm hurt so terribly bad, I was truly not able to put my attention on anything but the pain from my arm/shoulder. On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain was at a 20 for sure. I've tried so hard to put a timeline together of my activities of the days leading to the current injury but really, no one activity jumps out at me as the source for the pain to return. I know that Tuesday night I took a got bath to let it soak in heat. I know that by Wednesday afternoon, I was in complete tears. I wasn't even able to lift my shoulder the slightest or even THINK about pulling my arm away from my side without searing pain down my arm to my fingers and up through my neck. To put this more into perspective, my kids were evening on the verge of tears watching me breakdown. I was a complete mess, snot faced and all.
Helpless, that's all I felt. I don't have insurance, our finances are in no place to visit a doctor, and surgery for this return injury was not even an option. It was a leap of faith for me to go and purchase a sling for $13. Being the anxious and fearful person I am, I wasn't able to look past anything but the pain and hopelessness of having to suffer with this pain until my death. Yes, those were my thoughts exactly! I prayed through the pain, "God you said 'where two or more are gathered in Your name' and you said multiple times in the Bible 'your faith has healed you'. You know my finances, You know I don't have insurance, I will use this miracle to praise Your name and bring hope to others." I repeated this over and over and over throughout each day for days in a row. While I felt helpless and excruciating pain, I trued to remain hopeful in my God.
Thursday night rolled around and I now had this huge knot sitting on the front of my shoulder and my arm was hot to the touch. My best guess at this point was that I had dislocated my shoulder somehow. That night Jason and I became YouTube doctors and for 1.5 hours we attempted to put my shoulder back in place. Having no insurance, this seemed like such a logical idea! We tried many different methods that night and I cried more tears during that time frame than I knew was possible. While we never successfully popped my shoulder back in place, nor did we ever confirm it was dislocated, we did grow closer together that evening. Jason held me, wiped my tears, and did everything he could possibly do to comfort his hurting wife. I just wish we had gotten on video the method of me laying on the side of the bed while he laid on the floor with his feet pushing on my ribs and pulling on my arm. Sounds painful and the image was comical, but of this stretch felt so good!
Friday rolled around and my prayers continued while my shoulder still sent waves of pain down to my fingers and up to my neck. I had no idea how I would pay for a doctors visit but knew, at the very least, that I needed to know what the problem was exactly. I called the orthopedic I had seen 18 months prior and they were booked until Monday morning. Extremely frustrated and irritated that they didn't think a dislocated shoulder was important enough to be seen, I called my family physician and another orthopedic and both were also booked until Monday.
Feeling embarrassed and frustrated, I called a friend whose husband is a Physical Therapist. We met him at their home Friday night after he got off work and before he was heading out to work a high school football game. I took my arm out of the sling and was able to move it some without searing pain and immediate tears. Shocked is an understatement! He did some stretches and moved my arm and said the shoulder was not dislocated and the knot was just fluid protecting the rotator cuff. He also said I had frozen shoulder from keeping it snug against my chest. Jason was given some stretches to do with my arm at home, most of which we had done most the night before in our fabulous attempt to put my shoulder back in place.
The next morning, I was able to move my arm even more and the fluid/knot was almost completely gone. This is when I knew a miracle was taking place before my very eyes and I began to see just how God had been working this entire time. I had pulled a muscle in my butt a few months earlier (don't laugh) and it took my Rx too long to be filled. By the time I returned from youth camp, that pulled muscle was almost completely healed and I never used those muscle relaxers. I also had an anti-inflammatory medicine in my cabinet from another incident that I had never used. Both were exactly what I needed for my arm/shoulder to heal and to help me sleep better at night. God also filled my doctors' schedules so that I couldn't be seen that exact day, therefore I didn't spend money we really didn't have to spend on a doctor's visit. A dear friend had already offered to bring dinner over on Thursday night, which happened to be the night my arm/shoulder hurt the worst. She has no idea what that dinner meant to me! And God placed compassion on my friend and her husband to see me at their home when really they could have spent that time together as a family.
During all of this, I had been reading about letting go of fear and giving it all to God in every circumstance and trusting Him with all of my heart. All of this combined was part of one big miracle God so graciously bestowed on our family. For all of this, I am very grateful. Even as I type this modern day miracle, joyful tears flow and I find myself again giving thanks to my God for ALL He has done.
Today, my shoulder/arm is healing everyday. It really just feels tired and heavy, but this isn't even a comparison from the pain I felt just days ago. I still ice it and give it rest but I can use my arm and I sleep well every night. There's not much more I could ask for!
I still cannot fathom how only days ago I had convinced myself that I would be living with this pain and saving for a surgery that truly would be months down the road. And yet here I am using both hands to blog this miracle! It wasn't a miracle that happened immediately, but a miracle God allowed to slowly take place and to teach me again to rely on Him always and to pray without ceasing. God used this opportunity to draw me closer to Him. And as promised, I am sharing this miracle with you and am hopeful that you too will look for the modern day miracles in your life.
The next morning, I was able to move my arm even more and the fluid/knot was almost completely gone. This is when I knew a miracle was taking place before my very eyes and I began to see just how God had been working this entire time. I had pulled a muscle in my butt a few months earlier (don't laugh) and it took my Rx too long to be filled. By the time I returned from youth camp, that pulled muscle was almost completely healed and I never used those muscle relaxers. I also had an anti-inflammatory medicine in my cabinet from another incident that I had never used. Both were exactly what I needed for my arm/shoulder to heal and to help me sleep better at night. God also filled my doctors' schedules so that I couldn't be seen that exact day, therefore I didn't spend money we really didn't have to spend on a doctor's visit. A dear friend had already offered to bring dinner over on Thursday night, which happened to be the night my arm/shoulder hurt the worst. She has no idea what that dinner meant to me! And God placed compassion on my friend and her husband to see me at their home when really they could have spent that time together as a family.
During all of this, I had been reading about letting go of fear and giving it all to God in every circumstance and trusting Him with all of my heart. All of this combined was part of one big miracle God so graciously bestowed on our family. For all of this, I am very grateful. Even as I type this modern day miracle, joyful tears flow and I find myself again giving thanks to my God for ALL He has done.
Today, my shoulder/arm is healing everyday. It really just feels tired and heavy, but this isn't even a comparison from the pain I felt just days ago. I still ice it and give it rest but I can use my arm and I sleep well every night. There's not much more I could ask for!
I still cannot fathom how only days ago I had convinced myself that I would be living with this pain and saving for a surgery that truly would be months down the road. And yet here I am using both hands to blog this miracle! It wasn't a miracle that happened immediately, but a miracle God allowed to slowly take place and to teach me again to rely on Him always and to pray without ceasing. God used this opportunity to draw me closer to Him. And as promised, I am sharing this miracle with you and am hopeful that you too will look for the modern day miracles in your life.
